Monday, September 07, 2009

the Meeting

The computer glowed brightly in the well kept office, but it didn't look inviting at all. Not in the slightest. The large, older man sighed, pulled his hair back, and slipped the awkward headset over his head and ear. The microphone that jutted off of it caught in his beard and he cursed silently in his head as he pulled it free and reset the headset. He felt ridiculous with it on, but it was better than holding the phone to his ear for three hours. A horrid three hours. It was never a good call.

A message popped up on his computer screen from justJC. “R U calling in now?”

“YES, damn it...” He frowned and typed “I will be right there” into the message box. He refused to use the shortened form of words on the computer. It just seemed like laziness.

justJC replied back. “Good. He's acting up in here again.”

The man wondered when he wasn't acting up in the meetings. They had been meeting like this for ages and for ages he'd been...difficult. He pulled his chair in as the interface changed and the WebEx flipped through it's paces.

A singsong, female voice chirped in his earpiece . “Thank you for using WebEx. Press 1 to be connected to your meeting.” He pressed the number 1 on the phone keypad after a moment of hesitation. “Thank you! You will now be connected to the conference.”

When his screen switched over to shared desktop viewing, he leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes slowly, and rubbed at his brow. They were off to another horrible start.

The desktop being shared had an adult movie playing on it. A group of men and women – seemingly without any morals or modesty – pawed, fornicated, and spanked each other. They seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely. He tried to ignore the goings on. If he made a fuss, it would just get worse.

He adjusted his webcam and slid the windows around to his liking. Several small windows lived on his second monitor. He saw his face in the first window and made note of the stray hairs of his beard still tangled in the headset. He pulled them free absently. His son was in the second window with justJC under the image. He smiled into the camera and nodded and his son nodded back. “Hello.”

Cleavage filled the third box as two hands with long, red nails pressed breasts together and wiggled them at the camera. The cleavage dropped back and the woman they belonged to laughed maniacally and slid her top back into place. “Hiya! Thanks for joining the meeting today.” She flittered her fingers towards her camera. Her desk space had several small figures lined up in a row in clear sight of the camera – Buddha, Shiva, and a mini-diorama of the crucifiction. Under her image read the title hot4GOD.

He sighed and glanced at the fourth and final box on his screen. A man smirked into his webcam and arched a brow. People moved around in the area behind the man. It was a standard office environment except for the various states of undress, sporadic fire and sparks, and the occasional missing limbs of the workers. The man in the fourth box wore a suit and tie and sipped at a martini. Below the image was the simple Lu.

“Lucifer.” The white haired man nodded into his webcam. “How are you?”

“Just fine...Sir. How are you doing this fine day?” Lucifer smiled and sipped as hot4GOD made obscene gestures into her camera.

“I thought we agreed that you would find a new personal assistant to attend these meetings?”

justJC rolled his eyes at his webcam and leaned back in his chair as the redhead slid a hand into her blouse and smiled wide.

“Lucifer!” The boom of thunder filled everyone's ears as the white haired man lost his patience.

“Now now, TF, you know she can't help it. She has a condition.” The smirking continued. “We're working on it and I just did not have ANY time of late to interview other assistants.” He sighed. “Jezebel, can you do me a favor and...file something? You can skip this meeting.”

She pouted and leaned forward. Her screen went black and everyone's headset beeped as she hung up.

“Ok...sorry about that. What are we scheduled to talk about today?” Lucifer put his drink down and sat upright in his chair. Jezebel walked up behind him in his video frame and stuck out her tongue as she slunk by and out of the picture.

Lucifer glanced behind him as a man was dragged across the floor by two three foot tall monsters with horns. He screamed and kicked his feet frantically as he was dragged away towards the back of the room. The others in the satanic office ignored him and the tiny monsters as they went about their business. Lucifer turned back towards his webcam and blinked.

“I had diseases on the list for today.” justJC shuffled papers. “We're showing that you're not following what we agreed on when it came to diseases and plagues and the wars. You're over on wars, too.” justJC reviewed a sheet, then looked int the camera. “Can you give me the control thing, please? Pass the ball?”

Lucifer talked to someone off screen. He smiled a charming smile and pushed his chair back. “Pardon me one second, Gentlemen.” He stood and moved out of frame. A woman could be heard asking what meeting it was. “Just The Father and Son Meeting. It's crap....don't worry about it. I love this dress on you.”

“YOU'RE NOT ON MUTE, damn it,” The white haired man growled into the headset. “Get back to the meeting!”

Lucifer dropped back into his chair and adjusted his headset. He sighed a heavy sigh and shrugged. “Sorry. Sorry. What were you saying?”

“I wanted you to pass me control of the meeting so I could show you this PowerPoint I made. We needed to review this disease issue because....” justJC was cut off.

“Diseases? Really?” Lucifer sighed into his headset and picked up his martini. His brandished it at his webcam as he made points. “We covered this whole disease issue already. We talked it to death in The Human Condition Summit. You don't remember? We bumped the Soul conversation for it because you thought it was so important. ” He sipped. “And, I'm not over on wars. I have invoices to prove it. Shall I ask Jezy to bring them in?”

The white haired man blurted out, “No.” He waved his hand. “Let's focus on these disease issues and move on.”

“I don't have that in my notes,” justJC said with a frown as he searched his notes.

“Check BaseCamp. I'm sure it's on there somewhere.” He grinned.

“Did you send me an email about it? I mean, I just find it strange that I missed that.” He stroked his beard. “Dad, can you check your email and see if you have it?”

God sighed heavily.

“It was the same time we talked about having another Middle East talk.” Lucifer leaned back in his chair. “I'm pretty sure that was it.”

“Oh...right. Now I remember. We were going to stop going back and forth on the Middle East religious issue and you wouldn't let it go. Again.” justJC frowned.

“Hey, I'm not the one who wouldn't give up the point, JC.” Lucifer held up his hands and laughed. “I'm just following through on past agreements.”

“Not like Jezebel helped with her false idols.”

Lucifer pointed at the webcam. “These are widely accepted representations. It's not all about you two you know.” He smirked. “There's Buddha, Gaia, Izanaki, Kishar, Ba Xian...”

“I'm not in the mood for this meeting right now.” God shook his head. “We'll continue another time. And I'd like Jesus to set up the next...WebEx. Thing.” He waved a hand at his computer. “I don't want you to have control of it anymore, Lucifer.. You abuse the privilege.”

“Can I keep Jezebel as my P.A. Then?” Lucifer looked innocent. “I'll tell her to behave.”

“I don't care.”

“Should I send the PowerPoint? I mean, I spent a long time on it and I really think that-”

“Send the PowerPoint out.” God frowned. “Anything else?”

Lucifer shook his head no and sipped at his martini. “I think that covers it for me.”

justJC leaned forward. “Lucifer, can you please have Jezebel send a transcript – a PROPER transcript – of last week's meeting? The one she sent last time was just filled with sick demands and obscenities.”

“Ok...I'm signing off. Goodbye.”

“Ta, God,” Lucifer smiled a pleasant smile and raised his glass to his webcam. “Keep up the good work up there. I have things covered down here.”

God closed the screen.

“Thank you for using WebEx...” chirped in his ear and he ripped the headset from his head and tossed it onto his desk.

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